I am a knitting machine and toy store, all in one, as far as my preschooler is concerned.

ETA: I should add the the basic pony pattern is Mini Magical Friendship Ponies by Joy Gerhardt. Although the pattern calls for fingering weight, I used worsted for slightly bigger ponies. The pattern for spike I just made up as I went.

This is what can happen in less than ten seconds, when a preschooler is trusted with a pair of safety scissors:

Clock-wise from left: a sock for a kitty, now with extra space! A hat with pom pom ties, now freed from the tyranny of said ties (also for a kitty), and a sad monkey who lost both arms and legs, as well as tail and ears to a maniacal munchkin.

“Look Mama!” She said, “I made Monkey into a bean!”

So lately I haven’t had a whole lot of knitting mojo. It turns out that my will to knit is directly tied into what media I want to consume, as I am completely incapable of knitting without some sort of other brain distraction (which explains my inability to knit anything particularly complicated).

And loves, I am in a media rut. I am all caught up on all my favourite shows, and I’ve abandoned several mid-season for lack of excitement. Some others (I’m looking at you, DOCTOR WHO AND WAREHOUSE 13) are still on mid-season hiatus. And finding movies is hard, especially since Netflix seems to mostly think I would really really enjoy 2-HEADED SHARK ATTACK and MEGA SHARK VS. CROCASAURUS (hint: I would not enjoy either of these).

Added to this is the fact that my child discovered my copy of Teeny Tiny Mochi Mochi. Which she thinks is a catalogue, so I have been knitting teeny tiny monkeys, lions, mermaids, and other wondrous creatures to the specifications of a persnickety three year old. Because I am easily manipulated by tiny little hands grabbing my knitting needles and handing them to me while a little voice says “You knit me this, Mama? You kneet is for ME?”.

On the plus side, they are darn cute knits, and, assuming you are only knitting a few; quickly finished. If you’re producing a charming army for a Preschooler to attempt world domination with, it will probably take you a great deal longer.

So from left to right, we have: a lion, a viking, a pink computer, a yellow monkey, a ghost, a house with a mailbox (house my design), another lion, a mermaid, a christmas tree, a blue monkey, and a pink telephone. There have been more since this photo was taken. I finally gave in and purchased some metal DPNs, as I actually have been breaking the tips off my wood ones with the tininess. Of course, I haven’t had much opportunity to use them, as apparently now someone has enough teeny tiny friends, and could I knit a big big something instead?

I hate dream sequences.

For real. The fastest way to make me turn off a movie? Dream sequence.  As much as I loved Buffy, there are entirely too many dream sequences in that show. I don’t care if the cheese guy is surreal and Dadaist, it’s a damn dream sequence. Of course he had cheese on his head!

Why do I hate them? Because anything can happen. The writers are no longer constrained by the physics of the show; they can do absolutely anything and hey! It’s just a dream! None of that ACTUALLY HAPPENED. And if it didn’t happen, then WHY THE HELL DID I HAVE TO WATCH IT.

Anyways.

So dreams. I don’t think they are portents, I don’t think they are generally meaningful in any way. They’re brain barf, as far as I’m concerned.

My brain barfs up some really wonderful things.

The other night, I found myself aboard the TARDIS with one of my most awesome pals (the incomparable Ms. Yarnpr0n, of YOWZA MCTROWZA fame), intent on having adventures with Amy and Eleven:

when suddenly, River and the Fourteenth Doctor appear! BUT WAIT. Who is the fourteenth doctor?

Yep. Marty McFly. Except he’s wearing this guy’s outfit:

And they’re like “Let’s go!” So we go.

And we end up on Hoth, fighting this:

Though to be fair, River is doing most of the fighting. Fourteen and Amy are drinking Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters, and what is Eleven doing?

Puppet show.

And that, my friends, is why I don’t like when television shows have dream sequences in it. Because if I can fight Wampas with River Song and watch puppet shows put on by the Doctor, while Marty McFly flies the TARDIS, then absolutely anything can happen.

And it makes my brain hurt.

Today is a great day, because:

A: It are my BIRFDAY

and

B: I have a guest post up at the blog of wonderously talented and amazingly awesome Anne. Check it out HERE. She’s doing a series on colour, and asked me to post a little something after I drew her a little doodle of a robot. I am pretty sure every other guest blogger for Anne’s excellent Colour Riot series has provided you with links, actual facts, and possibly homework. I am lazy, and so I will leave you with something recreational. Read Shades of Grey by Jasper Fforde. No. It is not THAT book. Really. If there is one thing Sci-Fi is really good at (besides being totally kick ass and amazing), it’s making you think in different ways. This book made me think differently about colour, while also being an awesome post-apocalyptic-type interesting read.

My dear friends, I have fallen down the Austen rabbit hole, again. The Lizzie Bennet Diaries are seriously affecting me. I’m talking faster, waving my hands, and thinking a lot about Darcy’s crotch.

Specifically, if this shot:

Is a clever reference to this infamous shot:

Jane Austen adaptations: bringing you the crotch shots you want to see.

And while we’re here, can we talk about this fellow:

That’s Mr. Knightly, from Emma. As played by the intrepid, and let’s face it, fairly adorable Jonny Lee Miller, who is currently on tv playing this man:

That’s Sherlock Holmes, from CBS’s much-lambasted-but-actually-pretty-much-cute-and-wonderful-series Elementary.

So. I don’t know what you do all day, but I managed to convince myself that since:

A. Mr. Knightly and Emma get married and have lots of babies

and

B. They are British and rich and pretty awesome 19th century folks

and

C. Sherlock comes from a wealthy and powerful British family

in addition to the fact that

D. Sherlock looks an awful lot like Mr. Knightly

Then it is a truth universally acknowledged that

E. (you know where this is going, right?) SHERLOCK IS EMMA AND MR. KNIGHTLY’S GREAT GREAT GRANDBABBY

for Valentine’s Day! Just print it out, and brighten up someone’s day.

Also, if you put quotation marks around GEM, it makes it look like you’re being sarcastic. So it works equally well for your Valentine’s enemies as well!

Not quite right for you enemies and frenemies? My friend Mandy has an extensive list of nerdy valentines, including some really excellent Avengers-themed ones she made (because she is awesome).

Still need more? I have a cute Robot-themed one up on Robot a Day, too!

I’m having a pretty big sale over at my Etsy Shop; using the code HECKYEAH will get you 40% off. Sweet, right?

(image found via Star Wars Images, caption thanks to Yarnpr0n)

Some of you will already know about my proclivity for 365-style projects. Recently, while looking at knitting patterns for my toddler’s upcoming birthday, I ran across some really fantastic puppets by Anne Mende of Pumora (smart lady has an Etsy Shop, Rav page, and Craftsy shop; I love it when my favourite designers are easy to find!). These two fabulous designs caught my eye as MUST MAKE (immediate thought: “Do I have enough yarn in the right colour in my stash? Can I cast on right now? Will Matt be mad if I never finish that second mitten I’ve been promising?”):

WALRUS! OF DOOOOOOM (doom not included)

RHINO! Thanks to Diego and Dora, my child recognizes animals that, in general, do not make their home in snowy Canada. When it comes to our indiginous animals, we’re pretty limited by what we can see out of our window (mostly squirrels and the weirdos down the street). “Look, Mama, a Tree Frog! Oh, Mama, it’s a Kinkajou!” I was all like “No sweetie, Pikachu is not a real animal”. Thanks for making me look like an idiot in front of my 3-year old, Diego! However when I showed her some Canada Geese flying overhead, it was all “oh! I think those are Macaws!” and me smugly saying “Canada Geese, those are geese”. Boo-yah, got that one right.

I’m pretty sure I’ve got appropriate yarn in my stash, but yes, someone would be mad if I didn’t finish that second mitten. So these amazing knits will have to wait for a bit. So I was poking about to see what else Anne Mende has designed, and I came across what it possibly the most exciting (to me) 365-style project. A PUPPET A WEEK. A puppet. a week. A puppet! A WEEK. And then I scrolled down and there was a squid. A SQUID.